Parents...why? Why is it that they don't care? Right now that's what I'm wondering. Almost all of my friends, pertaining to the ones still living with their families in particular, spend time with their families over the summer. Me? Nope. Spending quality time with my family is begging one of my parents to sit in the passenger seat while I get to drive because they won't yet put me on the insurance. Why not? Especially when neither wants to go with me anywhere...I don't know. That's the most family time we spend together. Or can you make lunch/dinner because I can't cook and you don't want me to try either while I'm home. Sure I'll have the same thing for a week straight. Why? Cause they won't feed me otherwise for the most part. They yell if I say I wanna go to the store because I never want to go when they do. I'm not awake or I'm actually talking to someone .*Shock* If they'd let me drive I could go solo. ><
But it's lonely. My family doesn't even want to spend time with me. I kid you not. Whenever they hear me say "I don't know what to do" even if I'm clearly talking to myself, they say "Where's Rita? " "Where's Antonio?" "Can't you call them/someone?" "Isn't anyone online?" That's right. They encourage me to spend HOURS upon HOURS in front of the screen or on the telephone. I had this discussion a bit with a friend the other night. Why? Her parents said they don't like her spending that much time on the phone. I didn't get it. Why? Mine TELL me to call someone. They TELL me to go back to my computer.
They've never cared how much time I spend away from them. They never TRY to spend time with me. Too me, they're barely family. We're not connected by blood...if I didn't grow up living with them then who knows...they probably wouldn't be family to me. They almost aren't. And it hurts. When my friends say they don't get out either, not referring to those at school or who live on their own, but get out more than I do. My response, "you just got back from where? And you don't go out . Uh huh." I'm just frustrated! I want to GO places. I want to DO things. But I don't have the money and neither do my parents. All my money during the year goes to expenses , like food or textbooks, for the most part. Or little things for me like a new book.
I wish my family would spend time with me. It'd be kind of nice. Dysfunctional, but nice...maybe. But I won't know if I don't try. This is why I miss school sometimes. I LONG for the breaks of not having to write this paper or that one. Study for this exam and organize this event. Summer's great for that. But why can't I see my friends? Just have fun and hang out. O yea, no one lives nearby and if they do they have a life. Again, this doesn't include people who have jobs either. You get respect there. I tried and failed.
If they do spend any time or pay any attention...it's another ploy to buy my love or affections aka shut me up now. My mother came home and apparently talked with my father, so to shut me up, she wants him to let me drive somewhere and buy me a milkshake. Come on. They complain about how much I eat, when sometimes it's just dinner, and they want to give me a milkshake. They're always complaining about money but they want to buy me something? They just want to shut me up. It's as simple as that. They just want me to be content being a hermit in my room and not come out and deal with them. Plain and simple.
But why? Why does my own family not lay down any restrictions on how long I can talk to people. Or spend online? They got me another laptop, back in March due to my last one being officially a desktop almost, partially just to shut me up. And to keep me busy. WHY don't they care? Come on. Care for once. I've never been grounded in my life. I'm 21 but they treat me like I'm younger yet they don't pay any attention at the same time. Right now I feel very alone...
And I know I'm 21 and you may not give a shit about this. Fine. Don't read it. I don't care if you do as I'm putting it here but it's a place to vent. Sometimes I bitch about Res Life or Homework. Today...it's family.
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You should try to work on campus during the summer. Then at least you could save up a little money and maybe buy yourself a cheap car. Or move out of your parents' house all together. I don't know what else to tell you. You can't make your parents care, although you might try talking to them about why they don't, or if they do, why they don't act like it. Maybe they just don't know how to relate to you anymore. Sometimes parents do that.
ReplyDeleteThe important thing to remember (and the hardest) is that your parents are people, too, with their own weird personalities and screwed up little minds and personal problems/insecurities. It took me a long time to see my parents as people. I kept expecting them to be something better than that, you know? But they really are just people and ALL people treat each other badly sometimes.